Torrent
by lostinrealityforever
Summary: Slighty dark and angsty DracoPansy fic with a fair amount of sexdrugs. Pansy yearns for something more than Draco's nightly visits and he's become so distant he doesn't notice how she's destroying herself.
1. Demands, Demands

**This chapter is more a kind of prologue. You don't want to be reading this fic if you're adverse to a little bit of sex, drugs and rock n roll. Oh and swearing. Draco/Pansy are around 20 in this, Voldemort's dead and they're in the mess left behind. Disclaimer - Don't own anything, oh and don't take drugs kiddo's. Its bad. (Most of the time P) **

The rain battered down and crashed against the large window, her piercing eyes stared into the darkness. She was the picture of dark glamour curled up on the large window seat, her ice white body barely covered by the slinky black lace lingerie and silk black kimono that hung loosely from her shoulders. Her thin fingers curled loosely around a crystal glass, swirling the alcohol within it and a cigarette was resting between her lips briefly. Her long black hair fell over her shoulders as she sat perfectly still, her eyes fixed on some distant point through the darkness.

_I want to_

_I want to be someone else_

_Or I'll explode_

_You want me_

_Well fucking well come and find me_

_I'll be waiting _

_With a gun and a pack of sandwiches_

_And nothing_

_Nothing_

"Why do you wait for him?" A cold voice spoke from the doorway but she did not flinch merely took a sip of the firewhisky in her hands.

"I'm not waiting for him, Aristid. I'm waiting for excitement."

"You're a Parkinson, Parkinson's don't wait for it, they make their own…" The tall dark haired young man walked across the room and sat down, his back against the low wall she sat on.

"Who fed you that line?" She smirked and took a drag of the cigarette.

"You, probably." He laughed. "Come on Pansy, he isn't worth it. He'll always be there anyway."

"Sadly." She stubbed out the cigarette leaving a burn mark on the expensive fabric of the seat and held her hand out. "Well, what have you got for me tonight? I trust you didn't come into my room for nothing?"

"Demands, demands." He scolded and delved into the pocket of his black jeans, pulling out a packet of some pale purple powder. "Torrent. Extremely potent torrent. Got it from Lestrange." Pansy smirked and pulled the weight from his fingers, she sniffed it slightly and her smile became a grin. It was a wizarding drug; mainly used amongst dark wizards…its effects were legendary.

"Aristid, you are a God." Pansy leant down and kissed her older brother on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"I'll show Draco up when he arrives shall I?" He smirked from the doorway. His younger sister merely raised an eyebrow that suggested whatever Aristid told Draco to do it would be an interesting night.

_You want me_

_Well fucking well come and find me_

_I'll be waiting _

Draco pushed open the door to Pansy's darkened room to see her slumped near the window, flickering candlelight lighting her body…_oh God her body,_ Draco thought as he took a step closer to her, _her fucking gorgeous body._ He smirked as he walked over and straddled her, she wasn't asleep or anything close to it, Draco could recognise the signs, he'd seen it, taken part in it often enough to know that Pansy was on a torrent trip. Her eyes were glinting dangerously as he met them with his own.

Pansy struggled to keep Draco's fine features in focus as he leant in towards her, his face was swimming in a pool of black and purple as he traced her lips with his cold fingers. She felt her hips buck up towards his involuntarily as his fingers moved to her breasts, her arms held above her head by one of his strong hands. She'd always enjoyed the heightened sensations and surreal feelings of sex when tripping; it was one of her particular quirks.

Draco smirked as Pansy's hips drove up into his groin once again, feeling her writhing beneath him when she had no control over her body gave him a feeling of power that drove him crazy. As he captured her soft lips he knew there was no way they'd make it to the bed, he'd fuck her there on the floor, comfort be damned and in any case chances are Pansy wouldn't even remember it in the morning. But the marks he left would remind her.


	2. Sex, Drugs & Bacon Sandwiches

**Disclaimer - Just say no kiddies. Oh, and I have no possesions.**

"Good night, Draco?" He glanced up as Aristid, Pansy's brother walked into the dining room of the Parkinson home where he sat reading the Daily Prophet Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange goes on trial and sipping black coffee.

"Acceptable. What was she on?"

"Only acceptable? Surprising. Torrent."

"Well to be fair, acceptable with Pansy is like heaven." Aristid chuckled and Draco smirked. "Torrent? Got any left?"

"Of course, Lestrange was keen to make money before the Auror's got him."

Draco laughed. "How much do you want?"

"Ah, Draco, you're practically family. You fuck my sister enough at any rate. No charge."

"If you're sure?"

"Yeah." Aristid stood up and pulled a packet of the powder from his pocket, throwing it at Draco. "Tell Pans that I've gone out. Laters, Draco." He nodded and walked out of the room. Draco leant back in his chair and fingered the packet before sliding it into his own pocket, no point wasting it now when there were perfectly good bacon sandwiches to be eaten.

Pansy inspected her body in the huge mirror that covered the entire wall of her bathroom, her pale neck had a large hickey on it and her back was covered in scratch marks. Honestly, Draco could be such a possessive fuck sometimes she thought as she downed a potion that cleared her head of the after affects of too much alcohol, nicotine, torrent and Draco.

There were bruise marks on her wrists where he had pinned her arms down and she fingered them tenderly as the scorching hot water of the shower ran over her. There were even bruises on her inner thighs. Bastard, she thought as she rinsed her hair quickly and turned the water off. Uttering a drying spell she walked back into her bedroom and dressed in a green and grey plaid kilt and a dark green vest top with lace trimmings. She piled her hair up in a messy bun and walked downstairs, opening the dining room door and nearly collapsing in shock. Draco never stayed, never. Not long enough for them to see each other anyway, he left his marks and went again.

"What are you doing here?" She asked coolly as she sat down at the opposite end of the vast table and poured herself a glass of lycee juice.

"Excellent bacon sandwiches." Draco commented, smiling proudly at the mark on her neck. He could only imagine the state of her back.

"Oh fuck off. It's not like I made them."

"You could pass the compliments onto the chef." He smirked.

Pansy raised an eyebrow, deciding to ignore the pointless comment. Instead she reached for a dish that held several deep purple tablets.

"Morning kick?" Draco asked recognising them as Kinso, another wizarding drug that acted like caffeine would, but stronger.

"Mmmm." Pansy mumbled as she swallowed three of them, Draco raised his eyebrows – three was excessive, even for Pansy and her drug habits. The tablets weren't followed by anything except a red potion Draco recognised as a diet aid.

"You aren't eating?"

"Does it look like I am?"

"No. That's why I asked. You should really eat something Pans."

She raised her eyebrows incredulously. "Draco, like you give a fuck as long as I look good. And since when did you give a fuck if I was living healthily?" She scrunched up her face in confusion and walked out, knocking over her chair as she did.

Draco righted the chair with a flick of his wand and went back to reading the paper before his eyes flicked up and glanced at Pansy's empty chair. Since when _did_ he care? They fucked, that was all. Regularly admittedly, but that was all it was. Well a little shared drug use occasionally but it all amounted to the same thing in the end. And when had he stopped coming round to see her at any other time other than the dead of the night when she was high? That morning was the first time he had seen her in her normal state for months. And in the light of day Draco had noticed that Pansy was looking decidedly thin, tired and worn. Ah. Shit. Draco thought, she _wasn't_ eating, at all. Definitely shit. Standing up he decided that he would make a short appearance at the family home before going into work (well, what resembled work – ordering around staff all day at the offices for his Quidditch supply company).

"I'm going Pans." He called out.

"Fuck off." Came the reply from upstairs and, shrugging, Draco walked out of the front door. What had got into Pansy lately? Other than him of course…and why _did_ he care? It was only Pansy after all.

Pansy wrinkled her nose and closed the magazine. She was bored. She was always bored, that's why she took drugs, to alleviate the boredom. Once, a very drunk Aristid had suggested that she get a job. As if. She ran a hand through her hair and considered Draco's behaviour that morning, maybe he was just enjoying the Parkinson family's breakfast spread, or the remains of it given that her parents, and three brothers Aristid, Alexander and Nathaniel, would have already eaten half the gross national product of a small African country already that morning before Draco had even got down there. Pansy shivered at the thought of food, she rarely ate much anymore, not regularly anyway. But she had to look good for Draco; he wouldn't fuck her if she got fat.

An eagle owl swooped into the room and stood on the coffee table, she was sat in one of the mansion's living rooms, holding out a letter for her. Raising her eyebrows in surprise she opened in only to sigh as she recognised Draco's lazy scrawl.

_Thanks for breakfast,_

_Come to the office, I'm bored. _

_Party tonight at Goyle's. Have torrent._

_D._

Sex, drugs, and bacon sandwiches…that was all he ever thought about, never her, no matter how good a fuck she was, he would never care about Pansy the person. And the fact she was practically starving herself for him. Downing a glass of firewhisky she pulled on a long black satin cloak and apparated to Draco's office.


	3. Feminism And All That

**A/N:** I'm getting very inspired for this story at the moment so expect a few more chapters soon. As long as I don't get too much school work. New chapters coming soon for my other stories as well. Thanks for the reviews, very encouraging. Enjoy the chapter...

* * *

"Hello, love." Draco drawled as Pansy shut the door of his office behind her. Pansy rolled her eyes but smiled slightly, she couldn't help smiling when Draco was around – it was instinct, walking over to his large mahogany desk she perched on the edge and crossed her legs, revealing a fair amount of pale and smooth thigh.

Draco smirked and rifled through his papers, trying to hide his shock at Pansy's appearance. She was almost skeletal, still attractive because she had retained some of her curves (probably a quirk of the potions she was taking), but her eyes were more sunken in. Unconsciously he reached across and ran a hand across her prominent cheekbones, Pansy shivered at his touch as she tried to ignore him and pretended to read some price lists.

Draco's eyes widened as he realised what he was doing and he quickly withdrew his hand and picked up a quill to occupy himself somehow, anything to distract him from the self destruction Pansy was putting herself through. But why? He ran through what she had said that morning and realisation dawned upon him, it was because of him. But what did she want him to say or do?

Pansy quirked an eyebrow at Draco, his quill was hovering above the pain and he was obviously deep in thought. "What time's this party tonight?" Pansy picked up a model of a new prototype broom and looked at it, it took flight and she watched as it flew around the room.

"Huh?"

"The party. At Goyle's. You said you had torrent."

"Oh right. Yeah. Well I figured I could come round to your place about ten, and then we could go on later."

"You want to fuck before we go out?" Pansy swatted at the broom as it dive-bombed her.

"If that's okay with you?" Draco caught the tiny broom and shoved it in his desk drawer where they could hear it banging against the sides.

"My opinion matters in this? Gosh Draco, I'm flattered." Pansy held a hand to her heart mockingly and Draco blushed slightly, his head dropping.

"Feminism and all that." He looked up again, sneering. Pansy rolled her eyes, the comeback was pitiful. Glancing up at the clock her eyes widened and she jumped up off the desk. "Going so soon?"

"I said I'd meet Nathaniel for drinks."

"Starting without me? Tut tut." He laughed.

"We all know what a lightweight you are Draco. A house elf could drink you under the cauldron." She poked her tongue out at him and disapparated, leaving a slightly embarrassed but more than likely pissed off Draco behind her.

"Lightweight, my arse." Draco muttered as he downed another shot of firewhisky and walked over to where he could see Pansy flirting outrageously with Theodore Nott. His smirk twisted into a sneer as she clutched onto Theodore's arm and the dark haired man wrapped his arm around her tiny waist.

* * *

"Hand's off Nott…" He snarled and pulled Pansy away. "Damn possessive fuck Pansy and you know it." He whispered in her ear and she pouted.

Theodore held up his hands in mock defence. "Chill Draco, just harmless fun mate…" Draco raised his eyebrows and, wrapping an arm tightly round Pansy's shoulders, walked away. As soon as they were out of sight of Theodore Pansy pulled away from Draco and flounced down on a crushed black velvet couch, pouting slightly as Draco grabbed a bottle of firewhisky from a passing house elf and threw it to her. She undid the lid and downed a few measures worth; placing the bottle on the floor she reached out and pulled Draco towards her.

Draco smirked and straddled her, parting her lips slightly he was met with the sting of whisky. He grinned against her lips and sucked the alcohol from her mouth as his hands slipped under her black leather skirt. He dragged his nails over the bruises on her inner thighs and she winced, biting her lip to stop herself from crying out.

"Me or Nott?" He cocked his head to one side.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Draco…" Pansy pushed him away and stood up, making her way into the crowds and away to where she knew Aristid would have plentiful supplies of drugs.

As she squeezed past some men she felt a hand grab her ass and instinctively hit it away, if it wasn't Draco, it wasn't worth the hassle. And Draco never grabbed, it was far too common and uncouth.

"Fuck off Zabini."

Blaise only winked at her as she flipped him the finger. "Draco not putting out?"

"Draco _always_ puts out." She snarled and shoved him away. Blaise rolled his eyes and turned away as Pansy continued through the hallway to where Aristid was stood, struggling to hold up his girlfriend.

Pansy sneered at the elder woman and looked at her brother. "What did you give her?"

"Torrent." Aristid groaned as she pulled down on his arm. "I don't think she's ever had it before. Here…give me a hand." Pansy rolled her eyes but helped Aristid drop the girl onto the staircase where she lay groaning against the banisters.

"Have you got any more?" Aristid nodded in reply and dug in his pocket for another packet which he duly handed to his younger sister.

"How's Draco?"

"Don't ask…"

"High already?"

"No. Possessive. Sex mad. Cold."

"In short, everything you used to love in him." Aristid sat down next to his girlfriend who had now passed out and patted the stair below him, indicating for his younger sister to sit down. Pansy leant back against Aristid's legs and fingered the packet of torrent nervously.

"I just…we don't talk anymore, we don't spend any time together, all we do is fuck."

"Then talk…"

"But what about? When we were younger we used to talk all the time, about our worries for the future, we used to plan…we had so many dreams, Aristid. We've always known we would have to marry and it never bothered us. I could never see myself with anyone but Draco, but now…"

"It's too comfortable?"

"Not really, it's not comfortable. There's nothing left. We stopped trying, he stopped caring, he stopped noticing me Aristid…I don't think Draco loves me anymore."

"Pansy, is this why you're not eating?" Aristid fingered her shoulder softly, he could feel the bones and nothing else, he shivered as he realised how dangerously thin his sister was.

She nodded solemnly and a single tear ran down her pale cheek. "I thought he didn't like the way I looked anymore, I thought if I was more beautiful then he would notice me again and start caring."

"It doesn't work like that Pansy. You are beautiful, I think the problem is, both of you, yes Pans both of you, stopped making an effort. You can't make Draco take all the blame for this, because you aren't making him work for your love. You just sit around all day waiting for him. And don't tell me different because I know you Pansy."

Pansy's whole body shook with sobs as she took in Aristid's words. She knew he wasn't right but she didn't want to believe him, she and Draco were meant to be together, how could anything possibly go wrong in their relationship… "What am I supposed to do now then?" She choked and clutched at the torrent.

"End it." Aristid took a swig of some firewhisky and prepared for Pansy's reply.

"Excuse me? Aristid we are _betrothed_, you know what that means, it means we have to get married when we are twenty one…I can't _end it._"

"Yes, you can. You're not even twenty yet. You have to show Draco what he's missing, because if you fucking marriage is going to work you two need to start making an effort in your relationship. There was nothing in that unbreakable vow that you and Draco had to be together until you got married."

"But I love him."

"And? You said it yourself, you'll always end up together so what's the fuss? Split up for a bit, realise how much you love and need each other – because you do, trust me, Draco will be _begging_ on his fucking pureblood knees for you to come back after a few days, and you'll welcome him back with open arms. But you need a break Pansy, you need to get out of this place and see some of the world, you need to fucking eat."

Pansy sniffed and wiped the tears of her face. "Maybe you're right…"

"Of course I'm fucking right." Pansy giggled slightly and stood up. "Now are you going to use that torrent or are you going to give it back?" Pansy rolled her eyes and sighed, placing the packet in his hand and walking away down the stairs to find Draco and a new sense of purpose in life.

_Can you help me remember how to smile __  
__Make it somehow all seem worthwhile __  
__How on earth did I get so jaded __  
__Life's mystery seems so faded_

_Everything is cut and dry __  
__Day and night, earth and sky __  
__Somehow I just don't believe it_


	4. Nothing In The Vow

**A/N:** Another chapter! And I've already written the next one...updates at the moment aren't very frequent because my Dad's home and that means I spend my entire time driving backwards and forwards between my Grandad's house to see them and my house which happens to be a fair drive away. Sucks. Oh yeah, and I have to fit copious amounts of school work in there plus I have exams soon. AND I'm still trying to write because I love it. Anyway, enjoy this, its short and you probably can guess what's coming...thanks for the reviews!

* * *

_Yeah, yeah.._

_I've heard it before, I won't listen to you anymore, there's nothing left to say_

_No more games left to play, what am I doing this for, and who's keeping score_

_Now it's too late..._

* * *

Pansy weaved through the crowds, attracting a few looks as she hadn't bothered to clean her face of the recently acquired tear stains, she could see Draco on the other side of the room and was determined to take Aristid's advice as soon as possible. Draco smirked as she approached him, not noticing how upset she looked. Pansy rolled her eyes, this was exactly the point that Aristid had been making – Draco just didn't have to bother caring anymore, she was handing him everything on a plate.

"Pansy love…" He slurred, drooping an arm around her shoulders.

"Fuck off Draco…we need to talk." She wrenched his strong arm off and glared at him, the group of guys he was stood with whistled loudly and laughed.

Draco held up his hands in defence and followed Pansy outside, rolling his eyes at his group of friends. Once they were stood on the terrace of Goyle's large house Pansy turned around to face him, shivering the cold and rubbing her hands up and down her bare arms to try and retain some of the warmth. She looked critically at Draco, once - years ago, he would have removed his jumper or cloak immediately to keep her warm.

"You said you wanted to talk?" Draco drawled, leaning back against a wall. Pansy paused in her pacing to throw a condescending glance in his direction before continuing to walk up and down. "Oh Pansy…" Draco sing songed.

"Shut the fuck up." She whirled around. "I have to tell you something, I don't want to do it. So just let me think about it for a second. This is going to kill me…"

"Pansy come on, it can't possibly be _that_ bad."

Pansy chuckled, it was so ironic, because Draco couldn't possibly envisage that she was about to break up with him. "It can be Draco, and it is…" She took a deep breath and turned away from him. She knew it was weak of her but it wasn't as if this was forever. "Draco…"

"Pansy…"

"This isn't working any more."

"What isn't?"

"Us."

"Excuse me?" Pansy turned around to see Draco raising an incredulous eyebrow.

"We're. Not. Working. Anymore." She enunciated each word slowly and clearly as if speaking to a three year old.

"Oh." Draco paled slightly and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down. Suddenly a look flashed across his face and he looked up at Pansy quizzically. "But we're betrothed."

"Yes, but there was _nothing_ in that vow that said we had to be together for the time before we are married. And its just not working, I don't want to waste my life…"

"You think marrying me will be a waste?"

"No!" Pansy defended quickly. "I'm just fed up with being treated like dirt, scratch that…I'm fed up with not even being noticed by you, Draco."

"I notice you…"

Pansy screwed up her face in disgust. "Yes Draco, when you come you notice me."

"Look, Pans…maybe I haven't exactly been the greatest boyfriend lately but…"

"Understatement of the fucking year."

"Yeah…"

"So…"

"I understand…"

"I'm sorry…"

"No, I'm sorry…" Draco reached forward and taking Pansy's wrist pulled her towards him, tilting his head downward and kissing her briefly. Pansy realised as he pulled away and swept inside, that it was probably the most significant kiss he had ever given her in their entire lifetime. She fingered her lips gingerly, and definitely the most bittersweet.

* * *

Pansy rolled over in bed as she heard someone walking down the hallway, she wasn't really asleep or even close to it – she was to busy thinking about what she was going to do with herself now that she'd broken up with Draco. It was quite surreal; they'd been together since the Yule Ball in fourth year.

As she pondered what she was going to do and more importantly, as Aristid had said, where she was going to go she heard her bedroom door creak open and immediately propped herself up on one elbow to see the source of the disturbance. It didn't take her long to recognise the head of platinum blonde hair as Draco advanced towards her, crawling across the large bed. She pushed him away and he growled.

"Draco, I told you, it's over. Don't make this harder than it is already…"

"I didn't think you were _actually_ serious." He half laughed, very obviously drunk as he tried to kiss Pansy's neck.

"Draco I am _deadly_ serious." Pansy pulled her wand off the bedside table and levelled it at him.

"What the fuck, Pansy?"

"We're not together anymore Draco! Go find someone else to fuck!"

"Come on, we can still have sex…I know you want me…" He winked and Pansy dropped back against the pillows, how was she going to get this into his head.

"Draco…I don't, not at the moment at least. Please, get out and don't come back until you realise exactly why I've done this." She sighed and closing her eyes kneed him viciously in the groin. Draco groaned and rolled off the bed, Pansy cracked one eye open a few minutes later to see him limping out of her bedroom, not bothering to shut the door.

Maybe in the morning, he would at least remember what she had told him from the pain if nothing else.

* * *

_Cause you give and you take and it hurts so I can't do this anymore_

_There's nothing left in the end, I want you out of my bed_

_We made love we fought wars, but now there's nothing left to fight for_

_I want you out of my bed..._

**_Krezip - Out of My Bed _**

_(Download this song its awesome, in fact download the whole album, its really the soundtrack to this fic.)_


	5. Drunk Enough Not To Care About Love

**A/N: **Two in one night, aren't I lovely. Enjoy, review, suggest, comment, gasp in horror...whatever...I have to go do my French homework. And blood tests have fucked up my arm so typing hurts, appreciate this chapter!

* * *

"Come on Pansy, you can do this…" Pansy was leaning against the wall in a hallway in her family's vast home, trying to summon up the strength to walk into the dining room. She'd woken up that morning with a hollow feeling inside; it was probably something to do with the fact she hadn't taken any drugs for about twelve hours, but it was also because it was the first time in over five years that she'd woken up with the knowledge that she and Draco weren't an item.

Taking a deep breath she stood upright and walked into the dining room, her parents looked up from their breakfasts, surprised to see their youngest child up so early. "What are you looking at?" She snapped as she pulled the jug of coffee towards her, pouring a large mug.

Her father rolled his eyes at her and went back to reading the Daily Prophet. "Good party last night?" Her mother questioned as Pansy sipped the coffee sulkily.

"I broke up with Draco." Silence filled the room as the Daily Prophet fluttered noisily to the floor accompanied by a glass of orange juice that stained the cream carpet a violent orange.

"Excuse me?" Her father questioned after a few minutes.

"I broke up with Draco."

"Pansy…do the words Unbreakable Vow mean anything to you?" His voice was dangerously quiet and Pansy tried to distract herself from his anger by pulling an apple towards her – it was to be the first breakfast she'd had in months.

"Yeah." Nonchalantly she took a bite of the apple. "Do the words, not twenty one yet mean anything to you?" She looked up as the door opened once again and, the apple joined the Prophet and orange juice on the floor, Draco walked in, looking decidedly the worse for wear. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Her brother Nathaniel chuckled as he sat down, "did you really expect him to make it home in the state he was in?" He threw Draco a vial of hangover potion which was consumed quickly. "Now, what I would like to know is…why did I have to play nurse and chuck him in one of the guest suites, why wasn't he tucked up safely in your bed?"

"We broke up…" Draco muttered as he sipped some water.

Pansy stood up rapidly from her chair, glaring at him. "No, correction Draco, I broke up with you. You just don't seem to get it, we're over. I've had enough of your attitude." Sneering at Nathaniel she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Pansy pushed through the crowds, she could see Aristid by the bar and wanted, needed, to get to him. She'd tried to go a few days without taking any drugs but it was killing her, burning her deep inside. People moved in front of her and she took in a deep breath of stale, muggy air as claustrophobia cramped her. Why did Aristid always have to hang out in the most disgusting places? Finally, shoving aside what looked like a vampire, Pansy reached her brother who was talking to Blaise Zabini. Turning around as if he had sensed her presence, Aristid raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Torrent."

He smiled lightly and passed her a weight which Pansy momentarily disappeared to consume, the drug – although tolerated amongst the dark community, most landlords didn't want to be closed down for use on their premises.

Returning to the bar Pansy found Blaise and a bottle of firewhisky waiting for her. "Aristid had to go and meet a contact."

Pansy nodded and slid onto a bar stool, pouring herself a large measure of whisky and downing it rapidly.

"Break up with Draco hitting you hard?"

Pansy poured herself another shot. "Not particularly, its not like we were really together anymore."

Blaise eyed her skeletal figure and nodded even though he disagreed. "You not going to ask after the boy wonder?"

"Am I supposed to care?"

"Just thought it might interest you that your future husband appears to have lost the plot completely." Blaise stood up and placed a warm hand on Pansy's bare shoulder, sending shivers down her spike. "You know, if you ever need anyone to talk to…"

"And have everything I tell you going straight back to Draco? Thanks but, er, no thanks Blaise." Pansy laughed sarcastically.

Blaise shrugged and walked away, true, Draco – who was teetering on the edge of insanity, had asked him to go and speak to Pansy but chatting to Aristid prior to her arrival had been far more enlightening.

* * *

"What's a pretty young thing like you doing in a place like this?" Pansy felt a hand trail down her arm and a rough voice in her ear. Turning around she came face to face with Marcus Flint. Picking up the now half empty bottle of firewhisky and waved it in his face.

Marcus chuckled and sat down. "Word has is that you're a free agent again."

"Word's got it right." Pansy winked and took a sip of her drink, a plan forming in her mind. Draco and Marcus were mates, not close enough that any great friendship would be ruined if she slept with Marcus, but close enough to hurt Draco, and Pansy was drunk enough to want to hurt him. Drunk enough not to care about love.

"Fuck you're so tight…" Pansy cringed as Marcus drove himself into her again and again, if in the bar she had thought this would be a quick thrill she was very wrong. "Fuck…I'm coming Pansy, come with me babe…" Pansy tightened her legs around Marcus' hips, trying to drive herself to orgasm but she wasn't even in the slightest aroused. "Come with me Pansy…"

She felt Marcus release and dug her nails into his shoulders. "Fuuuuuuuuuck…" She forced out a shout but inside felt great relief as Marcus withdrew and draped himself across her, his sweat coating her pale skin. She'd never slept with anyone but Draco, she'd never had to fake an orgasm before and as Marcus sucked hungrily on her neck released that no one else could ever fulfil her in the way that Draco could.

"God you're amazing…" Pansy supressed a groan as Marcus prepared to enter her once again.

"Mmm hmmm…."


	6. Not Quite Comprehending My Own Thoughts

**A/N:** I had most of this chapter written days ago, but its taken me a while to ground out the last section and I'm sorry if it doesn't make a huge amount of sense - I'm ill, again. But I've started seeing an energy medicine therapist so it shouldn't be happening so often now. Thanks for the reviews, sorry if the whole Marcus thing was a bit eeew but it had to be done. I didn't enjoy writing it all that much. If you've got a spare moment go check out my profile for information on something mentioned in this chapter and to get to know the author a little. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Pansy groaned and struggled to open her eyes, battling against a pounding headache. She could feel the weight of Marcus against her body and suppressed a shiver as she remembered the night's events. She felt guilty for sleeping with Marcus and annoyed that she hadn't even got any pleasure.

Slipping out from under Marcus she hurriedly dressed and departed from his central London apartment, knowing that she could trust him to do the rest of her dirty work. In other words, bragging to all and sundry about bedding Draco's betrothed. Buried in her thoughts Pansy failed to notice Aristid and Nathaniel watching her closely as she crossed the entrance hall of the mansion.

"Who were you with last night? Zabini? Or did he persuade you to go back to Draco?"

Pansy sat down on the sweeping marble staircase. They would find out sooner or later, might as well let the shit hit the proverbial fan as soon as possible and get the inevitable lectures out of the way.

"Marcus Flint's place."

"Who?" Aristid questioned, never having known the former Quidditch captain. Nathaniel's mouth was rounded in shock.

"Flint…jeez Pans, I thought you had taste…"

"I was drunk."

"And? You're always drunk."

"But…"

"Just because you broke up with Draco doesn't mean you have to start acting like a complete and utter whore, especially with guys like Flint."

"It was just one night…"

"Who the fuck is Flint!" Aristid cried out in exasperation.

"Ex-Slytherin Quidditch captain."

"And a complete idiot. And too old for her."

"Oh please, you slept with a seventeen year old."

"That's different."

"How exactly?"

"I'm not a complete and utter bastard…"

Pansy raised an elegant eyebrow as she stood up, smirking at Nathaniel as she turned around and walked up the stairs. Aristid waited until she was out of hearing before looking at his younger brother critically. "Worried?"

"Yeah."

* * *

"Pansy, darling, you look gorgeous…" Her eldest brother Alexander's fiancée Carmella kissed her once on each cheek before sitting down again. Pansy had agreed to meet Carmella, even though she wasn't particularly fond of her, because she wanted to start building herself a life again.

"Thanks Mel." Pansy sat down on the twisted wrought iron chair.

"So, Draco and Pansy, the perfect couple…over." Carmella smiled sarcastically. Pansy had always got the impression that Carmella disliked her, she knew she was jealous of the relationship Pansy had with brothers – despite the fact Alexander was the brother she was least close to.

"Surprised?"

"Of course. Who wasn't? We all know that you positively dote on him."

Pansy prickled. Was this how everyone saw her? Draco's girl? Did she have no personality of her own? "Not recently." She replied quietly.

"Yes, I can see that. It's been quite a shock."

"I don't doubt that." Pansy took a sip of the pumpkin juice and Gillywater that a waiter had just delivered.

"Have you got your eye on anyone else?"

Pansy chuckled. "No point is there, I've got to marry Draco anyway."

"Darling…that doesn't stop you from having a little fun." Tried that one already, thought Pansy remembering the events with Marcus. "There are some positively delightful young men in your age group" Carmella was eight years older than Pansy.

"Such as? Draco?" Pansy smirked wryly and Carmella chuckled.

"No…ah, I don't know his name…Nathalya's half brother, Nathalya Zabini."

"Blaise!" Pansy squawked. "Oh no no no, he's Draco's best friend and he's already tired to get information on me for Draco."

"Sneaky bastard…"

"Indeed."

Carmella thought for a moment, and Pansy wondered why exactly the twenty eight year old actually wanted to help her. "The Nott boy?"

"Theodore?"

"That's the one."

Pansy considered briefly. "It would annoy Draco briefly…but…"

"You're fiercely loyal to a man you supposedly don't love anymore Pansy."

"I never said that I didn't love him, I just…oh Merlin…" She choked on a dry sob and her head fell onto her arms, as her body shook.

"Merlin indeed." Carmella tutted and reached out to pat Pansy's arm sympathetically. This was going to kill her reputation, sitting at a table with the hysterical drug addict anorexic former girlfriend of Draco Malfoy. _And_ she was about to become related to her. "Pansy…I thought you wanted to make Draco jealous?" Another half screech in reply. "He's never going to realise that you can live without him if you don't…"

"But I can't live without him." Pansy mumbled indignantly and Carmella got the distinct impression that Pansy was conversing with the tablecloth.

"Yes…yes you can. Take a look at yourself Pans; he'll never come running back if you mope around waiting for him, just like you did when you were together."

"But…"

"No more buts. You can, and you will."

Pansy raised her head a little and gave Carmella a disdainful look. "And how exactly, Carmella Andrews, do you propose I do that?"

Carmella looked at the teary face before her and realised that the situation was far more complex than Aristid could have imagined when he had his little chat with his younger sister. "Go away for a while." When Carmella said go away, she referred to the Parkinson's holiday homes, it didn't matter which one Pansy went to or who she went with, she just needed to get away.

"Oh." Pansy thought for a moment, Aristid had suggested it to her and she'd nodded but not really paid any attention to him – Draco had visited every single one of the Parkinson family homes at one point or another in their lives, except one it stood on the island of Samson. Samson, one of a group of islands around 40miles off the coast of Cornwall was thought deserted by Muggles, the island was small, windswept and battered and the few inhabitants that had remained had left in the 19th century, taking refuge on the larger islands – St Mary's, St Martin's, St Agnes, Tresco and Bryher. But in fact, there was a small and exclusive wizarding community on Samson who, through numerous select weather charms through the ages, had managed to get rid of the Muggle population to the extent that now whenever the untrained eye passed over the island, it appeared entirely wild.

Draco had never wanted to go, not when there were the more appealing homes in the South of France and on a Pacific island or the chalet deep in the Austrian alps. But Samson was just what Pansy needed right now. And so to Samson she would go.


	7. Emotionally Constipated

**A/N:** Sorry I didn't update sooner - have only been out of hospital four days or so and I've got a lot to cope with so despite being stuck in bed, writing hasn't been too high up the list of priorities. Thanks for the reviews, enjoy this and Merry Christmas.

* * *

Draco groaned and held his head in his hands, it was pounding, he hadn't stopped drinking since Pansy had broken up with him. It just didn't make sense, there were some thing's in life that were constant. Take for instance, the fact that the Ministry of Magic were pricks, or that Chudley Cannons didn't win matches, and that Pansy Parkinson loved him, Draco Malfoy. And she didn't fuck idiots like Marcus Flint.

That little piece of delightful news had resulted in a torrent binge the like of which Aristid Parkinson would have been proud of – Narcissa and Blaise had found him face down in the middle of Knockturn Alley screaming about bat droppings screwing his girlfriend. Smooth, way to raise your social standing Draco. Luckily for him, and his mother, it had been 4am at that point and Wednesday night at that time, the side street was hardly buzzing.

He still couldn't quite understand why Pansy had ended it, after all – it wasn't like he was cheating on her. Quite the opposite, they saw each other almost every night. But he hadn't seen hide nor hair of her for a few weeks now and his concern for her was most surprising. Considering the state she'd been in last time he'd seen her, she'd probably stopped eating completely and disintegrated into the ground or at the very least was holed up in her bedroom taking so many drugs she wouldn't be able to tell her hand from her foot. But a few visits to her home to see Aristid for drugs had dispelled that theory.

Blaise divulged that Pansy had gone "away" but not many people knew where and frankly, Draco was pissed off. She was his betrothed and given that she had slept with Flint, she was probably shacking up with a Hufflepuff by now.

He reached into his desk drawer for the handy bottle of firewhisky that resided there and had just unscrewed the lid when Blaise flung open his door and stood dramatically in the entrance looking as if he owned the world.

"What?" Draco grunted and swallowed some of the drink to quench his thirst.

"Ah, you wouldn't be saying that young man if you knew what I knew?"

"Oh?" A slightly more interested grunt.

"Pansy…"

"Come in, sit down, what can I get you?"

Blaise chuckled, the man was so in love it hurt, if only he would fucking realise it and start making an effort. "Draco, if you want to get laid that badly…"

"It's not about the sex." He frowned. Now that _was_ news to him, when had he realised that? "I just don't like my betrothed whoring herself out like some…some…common whore." He faltered and slouched back in his chair, resting his feet on the desk. "Well?"

"She's gone to Samson."

"Samson, but she never wanted to go there?"

"Correction, you never wanted to go there."

"She actually…she said she didn't want to go there because I didn't want to go there."

"Yeah, I was there last night and she seemed quite happy, well as happy as a woman who's trying to live without the love of her life can be."

"I am not the love of Pansy's life. We just…work well together."

"Hmmm." Blaise rolled his eyes. If Draco could just see beyond the alcohol clouded fog he lived in for once… "Anyway, she's there, she's depressed. Trying not to show it but she is."

"And what exactly, Mr Zabini, am I supposed to do about that?"

Blaise threw Draco an incredulous look which was returned with an innocent shrug, Blaise let his head fall onto the desk and groaned in desperation. No wonder Pansy dumped him, he was impossible. And emotionally constipated.

* * *

Pansy blinked a few times, positive that the sand had not been green when she had arrived at the beach a few hours before. The bonfire that had been lit was dying down and at any rate, the flames confused her – the way they moved, it was too much for her drugged brain to comprehend. She sank down onto the sand and pinched her nose which she could no longer feel, but then she could barely feel her limbs either for that matter.

Feeling light as a feather, but increasingly weighed down – the sensation was frightening, a large gust of wind blew across the bay and Pansy keeled over. The dealer had said the drug was strong…no kidding. She giggled like the schoolgirl she had been and suddenly images of dancing with Draco at the Yule Ball filled her head.

Draco…she hammered her head a few times against the sand trying to relieve her brain of him and gasped slightly in shock as she felt herself strike a rock, there was no pain but she could feel the blood trickle down the side of her face, clouding her already hazy vision. "Oh." She gasped and sat up again but couldn't hold herself there for long and her bloodied cheek hit the sand once more.

With one eye she looked across the beach, her skewed vision managed to assess that there was no one else left there and her distorted brain struggled to process the information. After about thirty minutes of drawing patterns in the sand something clicked. Blood was beginning to pool by her head. She needed help.

* * *

Loretta Parkinson was just finishing her novel by the soft firelight of her drawing room, enjoying a nice warm cup of tea garnished with gillywater when she was disturbed by a loud crack and the appearance of her daughter, bloodied and high, at her feet.

Loretta dropped to her knees and grasped Pansy. "Oh, Pansy you fool, you absolute fool…look what you've become…" With a snap of her fingers a house elf had appeared. "I need some fresh towels, warm water, cold water, and some lemon juice. And call the family healer please."

"Is Miss Pansy ill?"

Loretta glanced at her daughter, "no, but she needs help." As the elf vanished to acquire what her mistress had ordered, Loretta placed a pillow under her daughter's head and was using a handkerchief to stem the flow of blood from the gash by her eyebrow. When the elf returned she quickly forced Pansy to swallow the lemon juice – from experience she knew it was a sure fire way to counter most wizarding drugs, presuming that was what she had taken. With the aid of the elf she cleansed the wound and the healer found them pressing a towel to the wound, Pansy now unconscious and wrapped in her mothers robe.

"Drugs?" The healer knew the Parkinson children well enough.

"I presume so. She was on Samson, I haven't seen her in over a week…I fear…yes, drugs, all the time, I've seen her sinking further into this hole of drugs and alcohol. She's not as strong as her brothers, they can control their use. But she doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep, she barely leaves the house except for parties…" Loretta was half sobbing as the healer dealt with the wound.

A while later he helped Loretta lay Pansy gently on her bed. "She's lost a lot of blood, Loretta. She needs rest, no alcohol, no drugs, no visitors…and she needs to eat. She's dangerously thin." He surveyed Pansy's delicate frame and frowned. "I'll pop round tomorrow afternoon to see how she's doing; if you need anything contact me straight away."

"Of course. And thank you."

"Not a problem." He slipped out leaving Loretta sat by her daughter's bedside, lovingly brushing the hair from her face with her hand.

"Oh why Pansy…why do you do this to yourself? Do you think that Draco will love you more?" Loretta knew enough to know that ultimately the relationship was the cause of her daughter's problems. But it was impossible to see why; any fool could see that Draco and Pansy loved each other. Except the two parties concerned. It was hopeless.


	8. Wisdom Says To Make A New Start

**A/N: **Got all inspired again didn't I. Thanks for the reviews, enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Pansy groaned loudly, her head felt like it was caving in and piercing her brain with fragments of bone. "Need…water…" She gasped out and was shocked to find a glass being pressed to her lips; she gulped frantically before opening her eyes.

"How do you feel darling?" Loretta peered lovingly at her daughter and Pansy eyed her suspiciously.

"Like…like hell. I was, how did I…Samson?"

"I believe in your last stroke of consciousness you had the sense to apparate home. Otherwise I fear…you lost a lot of blood Pansy dear, you need rest. And you must eat." She held out a sandwich to her daughter.

Pansy pushed it away as she felt bile rushing up her constricted throat. "I can't. I can't eat." She fell back against the pillows. "Could you get me something?"

"Yes, of course."

"In the bathroom, on the counter, a bottle of bright red tablets. Please."

"No, no Pansy, no drugs. Just water and food, that's it, that's all you're allowed. I have had enough of this." Loretta pulled her emerald satin robes around herself and stood up.

"Of what?"

"Of you wasting yourself, look at yourself Pansy, you are so beautiful, and now you're wasted, skin and bone. It's disgusting. You're living off drugs, its killing you Pansy. I did not bring you into this world for you to kill yourself in disgusting self indulgence. I thought you were going to take a step forward when you ended things with Draco, drag yourself up out of this self produced quagmire but you just sank deeper and deeper. I think at moments Narcissa rather feels she would die that let Draco marry you…"

"He's no better!" Pansy interrupted. "Do you know what it's like Mum? Do you know what he's like in bed? He doesn't make love to me, he fucks me, hard, and it hurts. He cuts me, bruises me, makes me cry. And I hate it! He used to be so gentle and kind but after the war, he…" She started sobbing dryly. "He changed. I thought it was me, I thought I wasn't good enough…"

"Oh Pansy…"

"No, let me finish. I thought I needed to change, I wanted to make him love me and care about me, and…and I wanted to be different. I wanted to stop the drugs, I wanted to. But they took me away from the pain of him not caring." Loretta dropped to her knees beside the bed and drew Pansy into her arms. "We used to dream we'd have the world…now we're both so far down a bottle we can't see a way back. Its going to be awful, I can't marry him…I can't…I love him so much, I can't go through this…"

"Oh Pansy, oh love. I am so sorry." Loretta hugged Pansy closer if that was possible. "Oh Pansy, you can do this. You can. You are beautiful, you do love him. He does love you. We can make this better, if we just try."

* * *

"You said you wanted to see me?" Loretta questioned as she joined Narcissa Malfoy in an elegant café.

"Yes. It's about Pansy."

"I feared as much."

"Her behaviour, it's become disgraceful."

Loretta stiffened, determined that Narcissa would not gain the upper hand in this argument. "And what of your son? He's no better. They're in this mess together Narcissa, they've created this mess…"

"And clearly they need our help to get out of it."

Loretta's eyes widened. "You want to help them?"

"Of course I do, I love Pansy as if she were my own daughter, and I know you feel as though Draco were a brother to your sons. We've watched them grow up together, so perfect, we watched them blossom and then die. It's hurting me as much as it's hurting you Loretta."

"I…"

"Not one word of our own emotions to anyone else Loretta, you hear me? If Lucius were to hear that I spoke of my feelings…"

"Lucius will never know. I have as much to uphold as you in this, remember." Loretta hissed and Narcissa narrowed her eyes – the two had been rivals in Slytherin.

"Certainly. What do you propose?"

"I believe it was you who called this little conference."

"Very well, how is Pansy recovering after that little, ah, _incident_ on Samson?"

"You know of that?"

"Loretta dear, remember who I married."

"Indeed." Her eyes flashed. "She is improving. She has gained a little weight, she is far healthier."

"And what of her nasty little drug habit?"

"You mean the one that Draco introduced her to?" Narcissa's nose twitched but she did not speak, knowing better than to react. "She hasn't touched drugs for two and a half weeks. What about darling Draco?"

"Lucius spoke with him; I believe he is curbing his drinking a little."

"And his nasty drug habit? The _large_ one?"

"That is uncalled for Loretta, we are adults."

"Then for Merlin's sake Narcissa, accept part of the blame on your son's behalf or this situation will never be resolved."

Narcissa sniffed indignantly and stood up, wrapping her long black cloak around her slight body. "Certainly. I shall owl you presently. In the meantime…" She paused and took a deep breath. "Give Pansy my love." Loretta nodded and Narcissa swept from the room, looking every inch the imperious wife of Lucius Malfoy.

* * *

"Draco, Draco…" Narcissa hissed, shaking her only son awake. "Draco…"

"What!" He snapped before burying his head back in the pillow.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you. It's courteous."

"I'm not in the fucking mood for being fucking courteous."

"Draco, I must speak with you."

"Speak then, if it's so damn important."

"It's about Pansy." She watched closely as her son's muscular form stiffened at the mention of his betrothed's name.

"Yes?" There was less heat in his voice now.

"You heard of what happened on Samson, I presume?"

"In passing."

"Yes, well then you will understand that she nearly died that night."

"I…" He choked.

"Clearly not. Well, she has cut her drug habit Draco, she is eating again. You know what this means?"

"Not particularly."

"You have to start making an effort as well Draco, for Merlin's sake. You are from a better family than this girl; you can't be the snivelling drunk at the angel's side."

"You think I'm a snivelling drunk?"

"Presently, yes." Narcissa snarled and swept from the room, Draco groaned and fell backwards, his head cracking against the mahogany frame and allowing him to forget her words for now.


End file.
